


How Could I Ever Live Without You? (First)

by bitheby



Series: Tsukiyama Week 2019 [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, Art Student Tsukishima, But also, Demiromantic Tsukishima Kei, F/F, Female Tsukishima Kei, Female Yamaguchi Tadashi, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Not at all sorry, Pining, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Slice of Life, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, also okay the content warning is in it's own part, because how could a character of mine NOT be, fem bc i had just finished watching firebringer when i had the idea for this, how did i forget that??, i cry whenever i read it so here we go pALS, i love that that's a tag, i'm pretty sure it's physically impossible for me to write angst for them, might as well tag both of those as well, so don't read the second chapter if you don't want to read that, they're both space nerds of course, this is really wholesome okay, whoops never mind, wow there's a lot of space symbolism here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-06-30 08:24:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19849309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitheby/pseuds/bitheby
Summary: 5 times Tsukishima couldn't imagine living without her best friend (+1 time she had to)(content warning is for the second chapter only, you can read the first by itself with very little angst)





	1. 5 Times Tsukishima Didn't Want to Live Without Her Best Friend

**Author's Note:**

> So this is where you discover my not-so-secret of being completely in love with Yamaguchi, I would marry him in a heartbeat
> 
> (Also for Day One of Tsukiyama Week--"First")

**I.**

Tsukishima had never lived without Yamaguchi. Sure, she’d _heard_ that they’d only met in elementary school, but it’s not like either of them really remembers it. Besides, she’s pretty sure that the idea of surviving without her best friend is just bullshit.

According to “sources”, their first meeting was in elementary school, when they were only 7 or 8. As the story goes, Tsukishima stopped a group of boys from bullying Yamaguchi, who then couldn’t help herself from following her tall savior afterward.

Tsukishima has never liked that story.

And not for the usual reasons, either.

She doesn’t dislike it because Yamaguchi was bullied or because it paints her in some sort of unattainable heroic light.

Sure, she doesn’t like it for those reasons too, and that’s what she always says to everyone anywhere. But really, it’s because she doesn’t like the thought of going through a substantial part of her life without Tadashi by her side.

Tsukishima has never been good at making friends and even less good at keeping them, so the thought of losing _her_ too almost ruins the friendship that she does have.

* * *

**II.**

Thankfully, Tadashi doesn’t leave her like all the others. In fact, she stays closer to Tsukishima than ever.

A year later, during summer break, Yamaguchi’s parents have a series of meetings that they have to leave town for, so they decide to leave their daughter at the Tsukishimas. After all, she’s spent almost as much time there in the past year than at her own house.

“Tadashi-chan! Kei is up in her room; you can go put your things there!” Tsukishima hears her mother call out.

“Thank you, Tsukishima-san!” She runs up the stairs and throws the door open before launching herself onto the bed next to Tsukishima. “Tsukki!! We get to spend the whole week together!!”

“Don’t we already do that?” Tsukishima asks, resolutely ignoring the nickname. She’d learned by then that there was no point in arguing with her about it, especially when in a house full of those with the same name.

“Yeah, but now we don’t have to go home at night either! Because we’ll be at the _same_ home now! I just wish we could always live in the same home! Don’t you, Tsukki?”

“Yeah,” she answered, realizing as she said it that it was true. “That would be pretty cool.”

“I mean, think about it! We could have a million dinosaurs all around the house! And big ones too! Not just these little ones that you keep next to your bed and—”

“And I’m sure you’ll do that,” said Tsukishima’s mother, poking her head around the door. “But first, let’s see if you can last through this week first, okay?”

“Okay!! But I know I’ll never get tired of her, right, Tsukki?”

Tsukishima nodded defiantly. After all, how could anyone tire of the girl sitting beside her? It was impossible.

But then, secretly, she worried. Worried about Tadashi finding someone new, someone cooler.

* * *

**III.**

Their first hug came as, quite frankly, a surprise. At least to Tsukishima. It was just a birthday present, wasn’t it?

When she voiced these questions to Yamaguchi, though, she argued back. “But-But-it’s _perfect!_ Thank you _so much_ , Tsukki!” Apparently unable to express her gratitude anymore, she barreled forward and tackled the much-taller Tsukishima into a hug so hard she knocked the wind out of her.

“Wait!” She sprang backward. “I know what’s missing! Come with me!”

“Tadashi!” Tsukishima gasped, but Yamaguchi was already down out of the room and down the stairs. “But, the game!”

“I know, but this’ll only take a minute! Come _on_ , Tsukki, see, I finished it already, look!”

Tsukishima looked down at the canvas recently shoved back into her hand and almost had to sit down. See now, _now_ , she understood what Yamaguchi had felt when she’d been given the gift. “Wait, you covered up part of your face!”

“That’s okay! I don’t mind as long as it’s you! Now come on, we can’t miss the game! Weren’t we going to surprise Akiteru-nii? I can’t wait to watch him, your brother’s the _ace_ , that’s so cool!!”

Tsukishima was dragged along to the car; as much as she had been looking forward to seeing her brother play, the only thing she could think about on the ride there was Yamaguchi’s face: her freckles a sea of stars, her eyes two great nebulae, her hair the remnants of a powerful supernova. And yet, she thought it smart to cover that (however partially) with the image of a moon in eclipse.

(Looking at it later, she could only help but note that the moon didn’t even drown out the celestial light she had managed to paint onto the canvas’s surface, somehow only enhancing it. After all, the stars never shine without the moon there, even if it is invisible.)

* * *

**IV.**

The next two years were mostly uneventful, classes only trying to prepare them for junior high, and Tsukishima had managed to keep Yamaguchi by her side, both in school and out of it.

After that first time, Yamaguchi had decided that it was okay—necessary even—to hug her friend as often as possible. Tsukishima didn’t _mind_ , per se, she really only cared if there were people around to witness her being knocked out of breath by her much smaller friend (Tadashi had yet to hit her growth spurt, whereas Kei had hit hers the year before).

The thought of starting junior high, especially at the same school her brother had once gone to, did not make Tsukishima _nervous_. No, of course not, because she doesn’t _get_ nervous. And yet she felt herself stop walking only a block before the school, right in the middle of the road.

“Tsukki, come on! We can’t be late on the first day! What’re you doing?”

Tsukishima looked down at her feet, up at the school building that had just come into view. She shrugged.

“Then let’s go!” her friend replied cheerfully, grabbing her hand and pulling her the rest of the way to school.

They made it just in time, sitting in the two seats—thankfully next to each other—remaining.

“Hey, you’re probably pretty thankful you had me with you this morning, huh, Tsukki? Otherwise, you would’ve been late!”

Tsukishima nodded mutely, taking note of her racing heart and tingling hand. She wasn’t oblivious to what these feelings meant, contrary to her family’s belief. No, her problems lay more with what to _do_ with said feelings.

(When people would later ask her when exactly she’d fallen in love with Yamaguchi, she would usually respond with this story, the first time they held hands, however briefly. That was always a lie, though, and Tsukishima knew it. She knew that she had started falling long before that, even if it had taken her an unreasonably long time to realize the fact. After all, when you only have one friend, it’s hard to tell when you’ve crossed the platonic-romantic border.)

* * *

**V.**

And then suddenly it was their second year of high school, they had already gone to Nationals with their team, and Tsukishima had—dare she say—friends, _multiple_. That didn’t negate the one constant that had always been a part of her life, however. In fact, it might have made them closer than ever.

At least, that was their hypothesis. It had yet to be proven wrong, although Tsukishima thought she might have just done so when she realized that she’d just gone off and confessed all her feelings to Yamaguchi.

“Are you being serious?” she asked hesitantly.

Tsukishima nodded, trying to look anywhere— _anywhere_ —but her.

“ _Wow_ , Tsukki,” Tadashi said. “I could just kiss you right now.”

Their eyes snapped to each other, Tsukishima giving up her losing battle at controlling the blush that was making its way all over her face. “Oh, _oh_ , uh, I mean,” she stammered, no idea how to respond.

“I mean, if you want to that is!” Tadashi hurried to say. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, of course…”

“No, uh, I just…was, was surprised, I guess? Just—” she interrupted herself to draw her friend to her chest.

After a few minutes of comfortable mostly-silence, Yamaguchi pulled back and exclaimed, “Hey Tsukki, you know what this means? It means you’ll never have to live without me anymore!” She grinned, bright and wide, eclipsing all other light that might dare to break them up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest, I don't love how this ends, but that's mainly because I can't write romance without feeling super awkward so I usually just, don't.


	2. (+1 Time She Had To)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so yes, this is the where the warning comes into effect. The idea came to me and I actually kind of liked it in a sadistic sort of way but just as a reminder, don't read this if you don't want the death! I honestly don't mind haha this is just for myself at this point

**(+1)**

Kei had never lived without Tadashi. Not really, at least.

At least, not any portion that really counted.

After all, 7 years is hardly a drop in the bucket compared to where they were now, 85 and still thriving.

Well, one of them was, anyway.

“Tsukki, you’ve got to—ah, shit,” a feeble voice attempted, breaking off into a fit of hacking. “You’ve got to, got to stop being so cynical. After all, we got to live our life-long dream of being those two weird aunts, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, Tadashi,” came the soft reply. “We did.”

And so, comes the last everything: the last kiss, the last hand-holding, the last hug, the last sleepover, and finally, the last meeting.

The moon had never lived without her stars, but now she would have to learn to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haHA great start to the week friends hope you enjoyed


End file.
